The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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