Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
