Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
