I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
