we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
