We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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