we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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