Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
