im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize