i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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