So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
