Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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