You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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