I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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