You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You can't motorboat a personality
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
