do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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