we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
