Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize