Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
