haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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