i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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