so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
