this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
