be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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