In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
