she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
