I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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