He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I lost the right to judge tonight
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
