the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
