Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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