I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize