We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize