I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
