I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
