i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
