This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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