Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
