You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
