I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
