There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
