The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
