I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
