You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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