Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
they need to just BURY HIM!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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