Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
