the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
