some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
