Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
