i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
