dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
