True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
