so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
