Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
