I'm eating all of the evidence.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
