this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
