dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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