I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
