He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
