So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We need to rekindle our bromance
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
