Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
