Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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