So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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