Welp...herpes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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