I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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