idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
