I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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