Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
